Hello everyone.
I'm still alive, yes, hello.
I haven't updated (big enough update, at least) this site in a year! Things have been wild IRL, that is mostly why. I wanted to talk a little about how 2024 was for me now that we are a few days into 2025.
The death of Sakurai in 2023 really had a toll on me, emotionally, creatively. It still does. 2024 was one of the years I have drawn the less during my entire lifetime, and it also was the first year in a while that I didn't make an art summary. I pretty much only drew the illustrations I usually do for BT members' birthdays. I couldn't get anything else out of my system. Ever since he passed away, I just feel like I can't bring myself to create anything, or feel real joy from drawing. It sucks, but that's how I felt for the entirety of 2024, and I am feeling this way right now as well.
However, the highlight of my year was relationship wise. I ended a 3 year long relationship at the beginning of the year, which I wasn't too sure of doing at first. I felt at peace with this person during our entire relationship, and they taught me how it is to be deeply loved and admired. However, what I was feeling was complicated. I needed to end things.
During this difficult time, I became closer to a dear friend. He has been incredibly understanding and supporting of me since years ago. I realized that this person was an extremely important part of my life. Things started to change between us, and I felt like we could try it out. Things between us are extremely fucking difficult due to a variety of reasons; sadly, the majority of 2024 was spent in a rollercoaster of emotions trying to build a relationship with him. I know it sounds like a bad sign, but I must say that this time of building our relationship was the opposite of a toxic one; I feel like I have learnt so many things about him, about me. About the good and the bad times. I truly feel our relationship is a mature one, which I had never felt before. He has showed me how strong and resilient of a person he is, and I feel so inspired and driven to show him the same amount of love, care and compromise he has been showing to me.
It would be childish of me to say "it will get better! or "I know things will be easier from now!. They really won't get easier. However, and if you are willing to take the advice that I have learnt: listen to your gut. Remember that it is not wrong to feel or express love, or feel vulnerable. Learn about the good things that other people can teach you. And most importantly, don't forget to take care of yourself. Don't forget who you are. That is quite something, huh? Anywho, in a brighter note, things have been getting more stable and I feel extremely happy! 2024 was also the first time in A WHILE that I looked into my health, andddddd, I bought a car!
I cannot stress enough how impactful 2024 was for me. It definitely was a year full of hardships and challenges. And in the end, I do feel like I have grown a lot as a person. I feel happy and strong to do my best in 2025. I am really looking forward to keep maturing. And it is hard to admit, but I feel like in order to achieve this I need to let go of some things that are deeply connected to my "young" self, I guess. Hopefully I will be able to find a balance to keep growing like I want to, but also being able to make art, and have fun and be silly just like I have always been.
I really do hope to keep working on this page, to be able to draw a bit more again, to keep playing videogames. I also want to feel accomplished at work, to be in a stable and happy relationship, to start building an adult life. It is all very difficult, and for now it is hard for me to balance it all out. For now, let's see how things will turn out.
Note: SUBROSA is soooo good! Listen to that shit.